The answer to the riddle asked in the previous blog post is “Blame”, this is one thing which when given to someone it doesn’t belong to is cowardly and which when taken is noble. Blame can be a game but nobody wins.
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Easter time with the added magic of spring brings in a flood of memories of mom and her delightfully cooked food. The egg-hunt and friends, but it also brings back flashes of the life-lessons learnt the hard way in the growing years.
I remember as a young lad I was a people-pleaser. It started with pleasing my mamma. I would do anything to win her smile, sometimes even lie and exaggerate the school stories to make her laugh.
Life was tough for her and she endlessly toiled to the days end. I felt at the top of the world when I could make her smile. Though my pleasing stunt in childhood had a good intention and I won warm hugs and yummy treats from mum but I got stuck in the habit of pleasing people, giving them priority over myself.
Often, to save face I would indulge in a blame-game. If something went wrong, it’s got to be because of the ghost sitting on top of the cabinet.
I realized that I was opening myself to manipulation and abuse. I was always the first to apologize even if it wasn’t my fault; I feared rocking the boat in relationships. I was always skeptical about speaking my mind at work.
During my teens I faced my first rejection. I proposed a beautiful girl and she blatantly refused. I remember how devastated I was and felt worthless. In that moment my mom helped me realize that life is all about accepting yourself and respecting decisions. There is no such thing as rejection; it is only a matter of choice. Everyone is free to choose.
I worked upon my over-sensitivity towards people and their opinions and brought my need for approval into my awareness. I reprogrammed my mind to walk out of the worm’s existence and embrace the larger and brighter picture of my personality.
I truly believe that when we respect ourselves, we win more real and lasting friendships.
It doesn’t mean we don’t make efforts to make someone feel special or we stop giving in when the relationship demands but it means we don’t walk all over our own joy road to please someone. This also reduces the chance of indulging in the labyrinth of lies and blames.
Assertiveness empowers us to express without feeling guilty and without having the need to be aggressive, controlling, rigid or judgmental.
Be open to the needs of people without compromising yours. Drop to your knee to propose to your princess but don’t drop in the trench of self-pity if she rejects. Life is all about choices. Choose Win-Win.
March 25, 2015 No Comments
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (KJV) Psalm 51:10
Yesterday, I stopped by the garden and noticed a few children from my neighborhood playing there. The laughter and zest that surrounded them got to me and I walked up to join them and soak in the cheerfulness.
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They were engaged in a riddle competition. I was enjoying the questions thrown in at each other and the unpredictable answers followed by, “Duh! I knew that one.” One of riddles I heard got stuck with me for some reason, “what is something you will never see again?” I was musing over it when someone shouted out the answer, “Yesterday!,” “Ah! Is it this simple?” I asked and peals of laughter broke out in the group and one of the kids replied plainly, “Yeah, Uncle Bob it’s simple.”
It is indeed this simple to walk away from our yesterdays filled with regrets, guilt, anger and hurt. Just know that you have managed to move on and it will never come back again. As we organize our closets and ‘spring clean’ our homes in this spring season, it is important to cleanse our mind of the lingering negative emotions which we have carried from the painful yesterdays.
Donna and I are to attend a spring wedding and we are excited about it, this is indeed the best time to get married, the snow melts and flowers bloom, fragrant hyacinths and colorful blossoms scatter all around.
Last week, I was out for some shopping and she shared her memories of her wedding with me, hers was also a spring wedding, it didn’t last though but she remembers only the good times and is grateful for the precious gift it left to her, two beautiful children. She indeed has successfully cleaned her heart of all the hurt and has carried only the positive memories. She practiced forgiveness and carries no blame for herself or her former husband. She is a content and happy single parent. I feel so inspired by her and know that the biggest space should be allocated to the heart.
This springtime is the perfect opportunity to contemplate on the lessons and bright memories that you want to preserve from your yesterday while dumping the pessimisms. Let the spring arrive in your life.
Solve this riddle and get the message, smile and rejuvenate and let the spring equinox melt away the coldness giving way to love and warmth.
“To give me to someone I don’t belong to is cowardly, but to take me is noble. I can be a game, but nobody wins. What am I?”
March 16, 2015 No Comments
A British boy of 16 years was captured and brought to Ireland. He was enslaved for six years. He struggled through those dark days. Surprisingly, during this period of intense suffering he got enlightened. He realized the self. He entrusted people with the message of God and freed them from being the wandering pagans, guiding them to receive God’s light. He attained priesthood in Ireland later and was none other than St. Patrick. His life is a blessing for all.
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Have you ever wondered why the presence of saints can transcend lives? The obstinate and prolonged darkness of millions of years can be alleviated by just one tiny flame of light. Similarly, a saint helps us to kindle the flame in our hearts and the darkness of a lifetime disappears. So when we honor a saint we are in reality honoring the divinity within us, we are rejoicing the presence of God in our lives.
On St. Patrick’s Day, We have plans to join in the famous parade, wear green and consume some fresh green beer. Aaliya plans to pack in some Irish Guinness pudding with Whisky cream. Megan is making some velvet shamrocks, the symbol of fortune, to pin to our wardrobes. Frederick is preparing some placards of St. Patrick’s Day messages that we plan to carry with us in the parade. Donna, with her children Ethan and Emily, is coming with green silk flags of St. Patrick’s Day. On this day, everyone is Irish in the Big Apple!
I can’t wait to be with friends and celebrate the spirit of a great saint and do a little jig on the Irish songs. Do something special for someone on this day. Be someone’s leprechaun. Yet, again comes a moment to celebrate love, in the Irish way.
March 9, 2015 No Comments
International Women’s Day is an occasion to celebrate women who are playing different roles in our lives. Women operate from the heart space whereas men basically are logic-based creatures. They complete and complement each other but sometimes when the symphony breaks they start competing with each other and that’s the beginning of the end.
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Yesterday as I stood on the busy Shubert alley of New York. I noticed a couple engaged in strife, the wife was taking in a lot of verbal abuse and was visibly embarrassed. I could hear her apologize many times. I felt sorry for her and moved on. I wonder, what brings the loved ones to the brim of such a compromising situation?
We have to stop the unending battle of ego and trust in the virtues of love, forgiveness and compassion. A woman is more than a weakling, before others’ could believe this, she has to know it. She is a blend of strength and vulnerability which beautifies her even more. Assertiveness is a virtue for women to wear like a jewel. Trust me; it’s better than trying to fit in.
International Women’s Day is the right opportunity to make it happen. More than 100 countries celebrate the essence of womanhood on March 8. Send some inspiring greetings and words of encouragement to the woman who is special to you so that she can retreat from the state of being a victim and claim her special space in the world.
March 3, 2015 1 Comment
I was in awe as the 24 Oscars were bestowed to the well deserving artists and performances. I am so moved by the powerful speeches of achievers. The sound of victory and winning pleases my eardrums at all times especially when they come from those who have coursed through a rough road. The expectations of so many did not come to fruition but doesn’t mar the fact that they did rise up to the casement. Some returned victorious while others took back with them enormous hope. I rose from my couch to fill myself yet another glass of tonic water and one more helping of warm, crisp pepperoni pizza.
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I remember, how my mother once told me that we are here to achieve and nothing is bigger than our intentions. We must leverage on the free will bestowed upon us by the universe. The blueprint of victory is etched in our mind in the growing years of our lives.
That doesn’t imply that we are stuck in the space of scarcity if that’s been our default imprint so far, the fact is that in every moment we have a choice to choose abundance over lack. Choice is our tool to break through the matrix of beliefs and design our life.
As I hear the gratitude in the speeches of these achievers tonight, my heart opens up with love and gratitude for my mum who has always prayed for my happiness.
I realize what a gigantic responsibility has been laid upon every mother for she is the primary designer of her children’s entire life. If you are one of them, choose love above all. If you are one of those children who feel the blueprint hasn’t worked for you, remember to pick gratitude over complaint. Choose right.
I called my ma to say hi! I could hear her smile in her voice. After a little chitchat she hung up with her usual parting remark which puts me back in time to a place of joy, “I want you to be happy always!”
February 23, 2015 1 Comment
“What does that mean?” Adrian shouted from across the street. She smiled with her eyes vanishing into a line and pretty little dimples forming craters in her cheeks which were a shade deeper now as she repeated, “Gong Xi Fa Cai my love!”, and then translated it in her Asian accent, “Happy New Year, congratulations ,wishing you abundance my darling”
Adrian and May met last year. Despite the huge dissimilarity as far as cultures were concerned, both of them connected instantly. She came to NYC to study Art in Cornell University. She loved her family living in Malaysia and wanted to finish the course and return, until she met him.
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I remember last Chinese New Year when he met her at the oriental restaurant, The Dynasty, on the 3rd Avenue. She wore a stunning red dress and had insisted that he wear something in red too as that was customary to their celebration. Usually, I have seen him in subtle colors but that day he got carried away and wore a stark red tee on his denims, I looked at him in amazement and teased him about losing his sanity on the Temporary Insanity Day. He laughed and rushed to join her in the traditional reunion dinner where to his surprise he was the only invitee. He had heard, they celebrate it with folks and friends together and there is a lot of noise and laughter. He had expected people but was happy to be alone with her.
Adrian was excited as he recounted to me about the evening spent with May. Aroma of chicken, Chinese cuisine and wine floated. Music of drums and cymbals drifted in the serene ambience. There were dancing figurines of lions and dragons elaborating the counters. Red flags with symbols of horse were swaying in the cool breeze. Red lanterns were lit on every table and she looked scintillating in the scarlet radiance. The whole town was painted in red that day and so was his heart.
They were served with a Chinese salad first; interestingly she explained the fun behind the salad ritual, known as the prosperity toss; it was a raw fish salad which they were supposed to mix with chopsticks. The tradition is that the higher one tosses the salad, the more fortunes will grow in the coming year. So Adrian attempted the heroic stunt and his fish flew high in the air, with pride he held out his plate firmly for it to land safely but it decided to take a sudden turn and landed on his girlfriend’s lap. She seemed cross but as he looked at her with his puppy eyes she broke out laughing and showed him the right way to toss the salad gracefully. Peals of laughter echoed and without much of his knowing his heart was painting a picture on his life’s campus which was meant to stay with him beyond this ephemeral moment in time.
She gifted him oranges as in Chinese tradition oranges bring in luck. He could not agree more with her as his lady luck stood right there in front of his eyes. Haven’t you felt butterflies, in love? Somehow that night he mustered all courage and proposed to her and without many words she welcomed him in her life.
Then, it happened. The path they were walking on forked into different destinations. And as ice melts in its own water so was she to return to Malaysia. You know how it feels when you say nothing will change and yet the sinister distance and time play their part. She had assured to come back in the next Chinese New Year. He was hoping against hope to relive those moments.
Today as the horse gives way to the sheep and again Chinese New Year comes by, he recollects the moments of love spent with May. No matter the moments are short-lived, they have a long life in the mind of a lover.
As we toss the fish in the air, may be his cell phone lits up and so his eyes. May be, he get’s the long-awaited message!
February 16, 2015 1 Comment
Lately, ‘Love You’ has become another jargon. When a simple ‘thank you’ doesn’t work this seems the right phrase for all sweet-talkers. Have you ever experienced the so-called expressions of adoration that lay a bunch of conditions on you?
You have to apply the filters of right understanding to the “so-called love” before you fall in with someone. So, ever wondered how to recognize love’s essence among these mixed baggage of emotions tagged as love?
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Last weekend I met my dear friend Kate at the Scottish bar on the 46th Street. She was charged up with her newfound love, I was all ears to her endless romantic vows and tales of ‘the one’ she had been waiting for all her life and had finally met. I was excited for her.
Yesterday, I called her up as Valentine’s Day is approaching I felt I’d offer her my hand in celebrating it in a unique way and plan some sweet surprises for the two. But she said casually, “umm …mm Bob it was indeed good, but it’s history now as I met someone else at the gym who’s the prince charming for me.” I was dumbfounded at the kind of passing declarations of love and fleeting romances lovers engage in. The concept of everlasting love is alien for them. It’s a deep heart to heart connection
Nonetheless, I always stick to my utopian idea of romance and rejoice the spirit of Valentine’s Day with Aaliyah. I know she is not expecting any surprise from me lately because of my crammed schedule. I intend to make her feel really special.
For me love is not volatile, it’s not an ephemeral moment in time nor is it just the rush of adrenaline in our bodies but it is the breath of life, the essence of existence. I am waiting for the wee hour that marks the beginning of the cherished Valentine’s Day.
The difference between love and so-called love is evident. I had read somewhere, when you look at a beautiful flower and think of plucking it then it’s the not love, it is mere infatuation. If you admire the flower and still let it remain rooted, scintillating under the radiant sun and dancing in the breeze, then you know you are in love.
Let the moments not pass us by. Spend good moments with those who matter. Reinvent yourself and revive the passion on this Valentine’s Day. Discriminate between tags of love and love. Cheers!
February 8, 2015 2 Comments
Yesterday, I went over to Donna’s house for lunch. I had bought a bunch of pink roses, as the Rose Day is here. She smiled and I walked in to find a cute teddy bear on the couch with a note saying, “Dear Emily, big hug to you on this Teddy Bear Day! –Jake”. Emily had grown up to be a gorgeous young lady. I could see pride in her mother’s eyes, whenever she spoke about her.
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But, today she rather seemed a little tensed and handed me a diary. I hesitated before opening it as it belonged to Emily, who is a teenager.
But Donna said, “Honestly, Bob, I feel it’s the only way I can understand what’s going on in her life. She has taken to silence recently and it’s difficult to bring her to say what’s disturbing her.”
I flipped the diary open to the bookmarked page.
“Well, I do want to agree to positive preachers, but at the same time get really affected by my mother’s single status. Valentine’s Day is around and she is all alone, she is either enjoying with us or sitting at her desk working. Ethan and I are going out with school kids. Earlier, we used to stay with mom and enjoy the cuddles and kisses, gifts and surprises but these days we are sort of occupied with our own things, leaving no time for her.
I wish, my dad had cared enough, I wish my mom didn’t have this higher vision of saving the earth and for once would have thought of saving herself from solitude.”
I closed the diary and looked at the glum face of my dear friend, Donna, who, instead of grumbling would rather accept the world with a big grin on other occasions.
This was an effect of transition and her adolescent daughter felt guilty of being happy with her newfound amities. She felt the responsibility of being a companion to her mother.
Donna and I reflected upon the situation, as I nibbled at the chocolate ice-cream she had served. We always focus on the solutions more than the troubles. The best way to handle the change and relieve her daughter to enjoy her life would be to simply come out of the cocoon she had been in for years. Enjoy the world outside of goals, work and children.
I suggested her to go on a solo vacation and pamper herself on Valentine’s Day. Reward herself with something she always kept postponing. Wish friends and relatives, as the more we shrink our support group, we fall prey to loneliness. Send greetings packed with love.
She thanked me for having such a heart to heart conversation. She realized that she had closed herself from the pleasures of companionship and, her daughter’s reflections were just a message for her to open her heart to love and smiles.
Denial of emotions can aggravate the situation; rather experiencing the pain completely can release us. I believe we all have one person who would always be there to raise a toast, when everyone else has gone, and that person is the self.
Celebrate with folks and love yourself more on the upcoming Valentine’s Day as love begets love and above all, count your blessings more than the woes.
February 4, 2015 1 Comment
The little Groundhog comes out of its burrow on February 2; the Groundhog Day. Its strange behavior helps us to predict the weather.
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If the rodent sees its shadow, it runs back in its hide, which depicts the extension of winters whereas if there is a cloud cover it stays out which implies, the onset of Spring season.
Nature leaves clues for us to understand and find solution to our life situations. It’s the slate of God, on which is chalked in bold that we have several choices at any given point of time.
We, like the groundhog, are the weather prophets of our life. The snow cloak will be removed from the garden and so will the frost covered silver trees surface, little blossoms of hope will grow and the little birds will sing happy songs if we can just understand that destiny is our own making. I just reflected upon my choices and I am making the one that lets my smile be free of all inhibitions.
In NYC we are craving for luminous skies and warm weather. We are awaiting the springtime to absorb some warmth and step out in the open. Till then it’s our choice to stay in gloom or celebrate the inner warmness that comes from loved ones.
Have a great day! I will be with you and my observations of life that shall inspire the best in us.
January 27, 2015 2 Comments
It’s a cold and grey winter evening in New York. Most New Yorkers like to snuggle down in wraps and enjoy the slumber.
Unlike, an always in a rush, American, Today, I was, kind of, in an agreement with the Italian saying-“dolce far niente” which means the pleasure of doing nothing!
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It is the National Pie Day on January 23. Pie is a guilty pleasure of mine; I just can’t help myself but have a piece of this delicacy. So many stories are weaved in my mind with the little ritual of baking and sharing pie dishes with friends.
When your heart expands with gratitude and love, you feel like giving back to the world. So I decided to make some dark chocolates at home with generous sprinkling of crushed hazel nuts. I had learnt it from my expert girlfriend, Aaliyah. I especially love the aroma of melting chocolate arising from the double-boiler. When the chocolates were all set I wrapped them in golden foils with printed compliments on them.
Chocolate Cake Day is celebrated on January 27, so be creative and make this starting month, a month of gratitude and fun and the winter blues would disappear.
I am gifting these homemade chocolates at office on Fun at Work Day. Creating kinship and harmony is the main theme of the leading month of the year. Work doesn’t always have to be a drag and these are my excuses to add some splash of joy and happiness in lives of family, friends, colleagues and those of you who believe in these doses of positivity.
Enjoy your choice of pie or chocolate; give a great compliment to your friends, colleagues and strangers! Have Fun at work and most importantly, be sure to stay warm in this frigid winter season!
January 19, 2015 1 Comment