“You are good for nothing”
This rings a bell. Doesn’t it? Be it the voice of your parents, teachers, friends, family members, spouse, boss or colleagues. This voice becomes the voice of the critic sitting inside our head and then begins the self-sabotaging saga. From a creative space and dreamer state we suddenly become somebody who wants to prove something to the world. Instead of self-evaluation we start seeking external validations. Life becomes a challenge in place of a beautiful journey. We start creating the perfection protocol and if someone doesn’t fit in we stereotype him/ her as imperfect and not good enough. The irony is we don’t even spare ourselves.
The process of self-improvement frequently has a destructive impact mentally and emotionally. Your mind creates a picture of another you and determines what you are not and what you should be. The voice in your head creates a conclusion, you end up feeling dreadful as if you are a loser for not having met the image. All this and more since you don’t meet the conceptual picture you fabricated in the head, a picture which isn’t even real.
Weight reduction is motivated by the conclusion in which the own body is not acceptable the way it is. The more powerful the body’s rejection, the more powerful your commitment. Slimming down seems to be the way into alleviating yourself from the self-rejection that is unhappy. The problem is the body isn’t causing the unhappiness. The self-rejection dynamic is going on in the mind. The rejection from the voice in our mind is painful motivation and is coupled to pain. Remember humans have a tendency to avoid pain, so this painful motivation doesn’t go a long way leading to breakdowns.
As an alternative some people engage into repressing the emotion that is disagreeable. Consequently, you get no results at all. Any time you set goals for making changes, including, financial, career, emotional, spiritual, and relationships, the pain of denial will drive us into focusing our attention on something else. So long as we allow the voice in our mind to direct our self-improvement we’re a slave to criticism.
Self-help is a growing industry and it’s no wonder, many of its customers never end up happy and satisfied since they disrupt their efforts and motivation with self-denial. Or they reach their goals only to find they have not really dealt with the self-rejecting voice in their head that is causing the unhappiness. A successful promotion, plastic surgery or a lottery win does not change the mental self-denial dynamic. Studies show that these external things do not affect a person’s happiness beyond a short time. One or more Hollywood stars who have achieved their goals have also experienced depressive tendencies. To placate the emotions they turn to illicit affairs, drugs and alcohol.
So, primarily the most important part of improving yourself is to accepting who you are primarily. Aiming to be better in comparison to your own self. Choosing health and fitness over beauty and appearance. Choosing confidence over impression. Life is simple. But the condemning voices in our head makes it complicated.
Let’s clear our mind with a firm intention and get rid of dependencies and let go of the inner critic. Let’s love and accept ourselves completely in this love month and then the magic will happen and the thing that you perceive as imperfect will become beautiful not just to you but to others as well.
I flash my smile confidently to all my friends and folks, they have complimented me for it so many times. But in my childhood days, people used to push me to put braces for two of my upper canines are slightly sticking out of my otherwise perfectly set of teeth. In my teens friends used to tease me by calling me a vampire. But, the moment I started loving my smile and flaunted it in every picture, the world fell in love with it too. Bob, the love of my life, adores my canines and my dimples when I laugh.
It is the beautiful imperfection that makes humans perfect. Love it.