This week we have some Labor Day words of encouragement for you, along with reasons why men cheat and how to tackle your friendship with a friend’s ex. Step in…

This is the time of the year when most professionals spend some time in retrospection. Many think how they have fared in their workplaces over the years. Some like to review their present situation more than looking at the past. Ryan, our eccentric techie, is someone who fits into the second group. He feels that we must try to improve our situation instead of complaining about it. For example, Ryan says that we can reason with our superiors as well, if we put our mind to it. “Positive thinking is the key to success in miserable conditions,” Ryan said the other day.

Ryan does make some sense there. I was reading this article on the internet that stated how many professionals were having a tough time with the bosses. They worked with lesser pay than they deserved; more so because of the economy we are in. What I’d like to add to Ryan advice is that you must keep a friendly tone at all times. Don’t get into a confrontation. Rather ask for constructive criticism. That works well for both the critic and the criticized. And don’t take it that it’s only your superiors who can appreciate the work you do. Your peers can do the same, too!

Last evening Donna was talking to me about her past. For those of you who joined late, Donna is a single mother with two teenage kids. We were randomly discussing about reasons men cheat on their partners. Donna was a victim of such a failed relationship. Some of the reasons were pretty obvious, like being claustrophobic in a relationship, the lure of a co-worker and the work pressure leading the man into her arms, etc. Donna chuckled and said, “Have you noted that successful men are more prone to cheat? Guess it’s because they feel that multiple affairs feed their ego.”

I agreed with her. As soon as I did so, I remembered something that a friend told me a long time back. He was studying psychology. He told me that many unsuccessful men cheat because they feel that such an act makes the man feel powerful. It takes off the chip of being a failure in life. Donna replied, “So losers cheat because they are losers? That’s incredible!” I nodded my head and we ended the discussion agreeing men who cut open relationships are random and you cannot really run a common thread to tie them in one definite slot.

Have you ever wondered how you handle your friendship with a friend’s partner after their relationship ends? Adrian and I were talking about Seth the other day. Seth was Megan’s partner at one point. Megan being part of our close-knit friend circle, we somehow drifted away from Seth after they could no longer be together. We didn’t plan it like that, except that over the months and years, Seth was no longer part of our band. It could be that Seth chose to stay away because he didn’t want to run into Megan. But on our part, we didn’t make an effort either.

I remember that initially we wanted to have Seth around. But we found that Megan was not warm to the idea. She excused herself on some pretext or the other. Finally, we decided to stop trying to pull Seth in. We preferred having Megan in our midst than her ex. That’s a decision that many friends have to make at some point or other. It’s not really fair for this ex, but I think it’s best that things happen that way. It’s somewhat cruel to run into memories of a failed friendship.

Eleanor had to do some high-octane counseling to pacify her daughter-in-law, Lisa. Lisa is going crazy with worry now that Andrew has started attending a school. Since his first day, Lisa is talking to teachers in the school and making sure things are smooth for Andrew. Eleanor told her time and again that it’s a school and there are plenty of kids out there and Andrew would be fine. But Lisa was not willing to calm down. Lisa kept hounding his teachers till she was formally warned to stay away and let them do their work!

Lisa was furious. Finally Mike, her husband, called Eleanor and made her talk to Lisa. Eleanor told her that Andrew may be the center of Lisa’s world, but the teachers had to cope with numerous such centers of the world! Eleanor also told Lisa that in school, teachers have to tackle many complicated issues with even kids as young as Andrew. So it was best to take a step back and let Andrew grow his wings. “Limit your parenting! Or you will smother the kid!” was Eleanor’s parting advice.

Here’s a Robert A. Heinlein quote for mothers in Lisa’s shoes: “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.”