It was a windy evening! The high-rise buildings were standing tall and the streets of Big Apple were busy as usual. Donna had called me for making a guest list. Her best friend, Abigail is coming from London to celebrate Rosh Hashanah with us. Our arrangements for the two days of celebration has already commenced.
While making the list she wasn’t alert. She looked perturbed but said nothing. “What’s wrong Donna?” I asked. “Did you have a word with Emily?” she asked. “Yes, two days back. Why what happened?” I asked. “It has been weeks since she has spoken to me. She refuses to answer my calls. She avoids visiting me. I don’t even know if she will turn up for this gathering or not!” she expressed.
I asked her to relax. “She thinks that she is an adult now and never listens to me, Bob. She says I am too interfering or disapproving. I don’t want her to be on the wrong track. She is being stubborn most of the times,” expressed Donna.
“Since when have you become so paranoid? Donna you can’t let your fears micromanage your daughter’s life. In that way, you are hurting her self-esteem and showing distrust in her. By doing this you are pushing her more away from you. You need to stop doing that,” I said. Reading the look on her face I could see that the worried mommy was not convinced yet.
“The threshold of adulthood is confusing for the majority of people. It’s never that easy,” I said. “At times I feel I am not doing well as a mother. I miss the old bond that we once shared,” she said as she burst into tears.
“What did your mom do when you had a conflict with her? Did she give up?” I asked. “No, of course not. She didn’t. She always had a dynamic approach. She was so sensitive to every situation,” she answered. “That’s precisely what you are lacking at the moment. You are not being sensitive. You need to look from her perspective as well. You are reacting to the situation instead of solving it,” I replied.
She sighed. “I feel that you’re right. I am not having the right approach at all. There should be a free flow of emotions and guidance and for that, I need to give her space and confidence. I should be ready to receive. Things need to be more transparent and healthy,” she said. “Exactly! You got my point,” I replied.
“Feel like calling her and solving everything right away,” she expressed. “Then do it! Rosh Hashanah is here. Time for a fresh start which will pave the way for a sweet journey all throughout the year. With a heart full of hope and optimism initiate your conversation now. Just do it!” I expressed.
“Oh yes, Bob! Let me call her now,” she expressed and called up Emily immediately.
So often the solutions to our problems lie in our own hands. Human relationships are tender and when it comes to a mother and daughter relationship it needs more careful handling. Mutual understanding and respect set a profound foundation for every relationship. Let us have that self-awareness and make every relationship in our life beautiful with each passing day. May the new beginnings of Rosh Hashanah fill your life with light and joy!