The answer to the riddle asked in the previous blog post is “Blame”, this is one thing which when given to someone it doesn’t belong to is cowardly and which when taken is noble. Blame can be a game but nobody wins.

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Easter time with the added magic of spring brings in a flood of memories of mom and her delightfully cooked food. The egg-hunt and friends, but it also brings back flashes of the life-lessons learnt the hard way in the growing years.

I remember as a young lad I was a people-pleaser. It started with pleasing my mamma. I would do anything to win her smile, sometimes even lie and exaggerate the school stories to make her laugh.

Life was tough for her and she endlessly toiled to the days end. I felt at the top of the world when I could make her smile. Though my pleasing stunt in childhood had a good intention and I won warm hugs and yummy treats from mum but I got stuck in the habit of pleasing people, giving them priority over myself.

Often, to save face I would indulge in a blame-game. If something went wrong, it’s got to be because of the ghost sitting on top of the cabinet.

I realized that I was opening myself to manipulation and abuse. I was always the first to apologize even if it wasn’t my fault; I feared rocking the boat in relationships. I was always skeptical about speaking my mind at work.

During my teens I faced my first rejection. I proposed a beautiful girl and she blatantly refused. I remember how devastated I was and felt worthless. In that moment my mom helped me realize that life is all about accepting yourself and respecting decisions. There is no such thing as rejection; it is only a matter of choice. Everyone is free to choose.

I worked upon my over-sensitivity towards people and their opinions and brought my need for approval into my awareness. I reprogrammed my mind to walk out of the worm’s existence and embrace the larger and brighter picture of my personality.

I truly believe that when we respect ourselves, we win more real and lasting friendships.

It doesn’t mean we don’t make efforts to make someone feel special or we stop giving in when the relationship demands but it means we don’t walk all over our own joy road to please someone. This also reduces the chance of indulging in the labyrinth of lies and blames.
Assertiveness empowers us to express without feeling guilty and without having the need to be aggressive, controlling, rigid or judgmental.

Be open to the needs of people without compromising yours. Drop to your knee to propose to your princess but don’t drop in the trench of self-pity if she rejects. Life is all about choices. Choose Win-Win.