How to Choose Between Your Love And Your Friends?

Send Love EcardsI got this from a friend on Facebook who shall not be named. She needs our help and advice so I’m asking you guys to help her. This is what she wrote:
Hey Bob,
I am so confused about what to do.
Let me tell u a story that happened 2 months ago, if u get time please read and tell me as I have no one else to share this with! Please try to keep it between you and me, I appreciate it!

I had an option to choose between my love and my friends, I chose my love for these reasons:-
1. I knew him longer than my friends.
2. He has always been there whenever I needed him.
3. He totally understands me.
4. Guides me whenever I’m in trouble as if it was his own problem.
5. He loves me more than anyone in this world (I believe this).
6. He’s got so many girls after him but he doesn’t care about anyone and tell me everything what has happened to him the entire day.

But one day my friends told me he’s cheating on me, I believed my friends and argued with him (my boyfriend) and he felt so hurt that he tried to commit suicide, I was shocked and ashamed. I aplogized to him and he forgave me but he said he doesn’t want me to be friends with my old friends anymore.
But I convinced him that they will not do it anymore as l told them that I broke up with him. My boyfriend agreed that this was a better idea as, in India, people think conservatively so I didn’t tell my friends but they found it out one day. They were mad at me, they are still not talking to me, but that doesn’t affect me much, as long as I have my love with me !!

Now they are trying to make me feel miserable by talking to those people in my friends circle whom I hate the most.

I don’t know what i am supposed to do!

I know my friends cared about me before and they felt hurt that I didn’t trust them enough to tell them about my relationship, but my boyfriend felt bad too as I trusted those people whom I don’t even know as much as I know him and moreover I have to spend the rest of my life with this guy and not my friends…

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I love my boyfriend a lot and I want to marry him. But I feel sad about losing my friends! Hit me up with some ideas- what should I do?

This is Bob again. Would you like to respond to this? Chime in!


15 thoughts on “How to Choose Between Your Love And Your Friends?

  1. She sounds very confused. She has a man who is so insecure that he has to try to kill himself to keep her close to him. She has friends who again are so insecure that they have to tell her that she is either friends with him or with them, but not both.

    She may love her boyfriend, but he needs help trying to determine why he tried to kill himself. If she loves him, she has to let him go & get the help that he needs.

    Her so called friends need to either support her with what she has to do, or let her go, she doesn’t need people who only want to use her. Right now she needs to find out what she wants by herself, with no one!

    Right now she is in a bad relationship that could get better if both of them get the help that they both need. I hope she can.

  2. I think she needs to give more time to both her boyfriend and her friends to understand that neither side makes her less committed. It is better for her to be as normal as possible and let time take it course. Her whole world may change. Only true friendship and true love can stand the test of time, not possession. When one truly loves, he or she wants the best for the partner in the long run, rather than sacrifying the partner’s welfare.

  3. Whew.. those are certainly NOT the type of friends anyone would need… she should just forget them and make new friends that she can trust. And her boyfriend.. perhaps he really does love her but he needs to be a stronger person if he tends to be a husband and dad some day. Suicide is never a solution to any problem. He should have more confidence in her and their relationship. He should have defended himself and his loyalty to her, not to threat her with suicide. If she really wants to marry him then they should really sit and talk about this attitude of his since it will certtainly affect their future. how would you like to have a hubby who would threatened you with suicide whenever you’re both stuck in an arguement?

  4. First off, I would like to say that I am a strong believer in not abandoning your friends early in a relationship, especially when you do not have a foundation with this guy. Second, why did you have to choose? There should be no reason why you have to choose your friends over the guy? Women, generally, get involved in a new relationship and may get busy with the guy and just start spending more time with him and if the relationship develops into something, they usually head in that particular direction for some time. It’s normal.

    Also, she may love her boyfriend, but there is no reason why she should stay with someone who has tried to commit suicide over the fact that she has accused him of cheating on him. That is a sign of trying to get attention and weakness. That would make me extremely uncomfortable and would not be interested in taking the relationship any further. Dump him, he’s a problem.

    I say, go to your friends, talk and see if you could work things out. If not, move on and make some new friends.

  5. Mary, I agree with you she has friends and a boyfriend who take extreme measures. These are very much insecurities. If any person decides to ax themselves because of love fore gone, well…and especailly that he has cheated on her…. Very odd. A relationship has to be honest and an agreement between each other. Must keep things honest and communication lines should be open in whatever the partners do agree on. Got to talk it out. If you really love someone, it has to be a two way street. Your love is your best friend and if you can’t talk to your partner honestlyand openly , then it’s not a duo, not a partnership. Then perhaps let it go. L.

  6. I am at present in this same situation albeit me and my boyfriend are thousands of miles apart. I chose my boyfriend and I am genuinely happy, no remorse.
    I perfectly understand the confused girlfriend, her conservative culture and her classic reaction to such situation. Bottom line is she will be marrying her boyfriend and will be spending the rest of her life with him and NOT with her so-called friends. New friends will come along the way, don’t worry.

  7. I agree with Cate. I think it is better for her to act as normal as she could and let time take its course. At the meantime, keep her friends and boyfriend and let them know eventually that there is no conflict in having them at the same time.

  8. I know we have instincts and I beleive we know what to do…I will say suicide is a weakness…mixing others in our relationship can be a disaster… at this point I would search myself to observe if I believed the boyfriend or not. Why?… weakness. Did he seriously try to do suicide?… Did he cheat and realize he has too much to lose losing you and play the suicide game knowing that you were too gullible to see the “Game” OR! are your friends resentful of him and or jealous becuase you make him seem bigger than life? Just some clues, but I beleive you already know what to do.

  9. You are in an abusive relationship. Abuse doesnt have to be at the end of a fist or a stick. Anyone who isolates you from your friends and family for any reason is controling and abusive. If he cares for you and you him then you both need to see someone who can privately help you both with your issues. Threatening physical harm to yourself or someone else isnt very loving its cruel and a method of manipulation.
    Don’t let yourself be confused or isolated. You need friends, family and faith as well as him, to nuture whats best for you.

  10. Just from past experience, lose the guy. Threatening to commit suicide is a cry for help and can also be used as a way to control another person by saying, if you don’t do what I want, I’m going to kill myself. Someone that truly loved you would also not make you choose between your friends and them. If you truly love someone you want to make them happy and telling someone they can’t be with their friends, surely isn’t making you happy. Run from this guy. He’s a controller and he’ll take over your life and soon you will not have a life. Been there, done that!

  11. Here are my thoughts after reading these few lines of her story (can’t really put someone’s life situation into a 4 line story and give opinions on that, but this is the best possible I can think of.) If something really goes wrong, friends are the ones who she can turn to ultimately, but her love is the need of life. There will be many friends, they can come and go, that’s not the case with love. Real friends will understand and support no matter what. If they don’t they are not friends. No matter how much we talk about true and pure love, Love in real life will be associated with some insecurities; if the so called friendships are spoiling your love life (which can be possible if you let them), then restrict them. On the other hand loved one threatning to commit suicide is another extreme! Gotta be extremely careful with such people in your life. In the end, only she can know where to draw the line and be practical, she is the one living it. I think they both need to help separetely and together if they want to spend their life together.

  12. Hi,
    What is she waiting for??? Get married to him…!! He will keep her happy forever.. 🙂 and these so called friedns of hers are of no use.. Its her life, who are they to determine the guy she loves…
    My msg to her: Dont listen to your friends, if the case is about a guy. Go ahead follow your heart Girl..!!

  13. I think the real problem here is you. How can you let it get to a point where your friends and your love are not intermixable? If I had a boyfriend and my friends told me that he was cheating, I would ask for some type of proof…especially if I know they don’t like each other. I would never accuse my boyfriend without proof. It breaks the fragility of trust in the relationship. You can never really get it back. Also, why would the love of my life be so different from my friends? Either I am not being true about my interest in my friends or I’m not being true about my interest in my boyfriend. My suggestion is getting friends and boyfriend in one spot together to discuss the issues that are keeping everyone apart and you in the middle. Finally, your man may need a little therapy, with or without you. To attempt suicide is never an answer for a broken relationship. It just shows that he can’t handle crisis and you need someone who can because life together is definitely challenging. I hope all goes well for you. Good Luck!

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