How To Decide between Friendship And Love?

As Valentine’s Day comes close, some of you could be in a sort of dilemma like my friend Steve. It’s nothing abnormal or uncommon, rather it’s something that can happen to anyone of you. Okay, to cut the long story short, I’m talking about falling in love with a friend. Steve started off his equation with Natalie as a friend, but now he wants that to bloom into love. But he’s unsure of how he will approach and while he gathers enough steam to go up and tell her about his feelings, he wants to keep things under wraps. He doesn’t want his face or words to betray his emotions. He’s worried about causing hurt to her by making unreasonable and unjustified demands on her time. And I think, he’s right here.

There are sometimes when such things happen. Why, just a few weeks back I asked Berka out! That was a wrong step that I took. I don’t want any of you to hasten things up in these cases because once the good rapport is somehow hampered, it requires a lot of effort to get that spontaneous friendship again. If you guys are in a similar knot, I’d suggest you to take it easy and be as normal as you can. If you find it difficult to contain your feelings, discuss it with your friend frankly, making it clear at the same time that your feelings are entirely yours and you have no intention of making it an extra baggage to your friendship.

This takes the pressure off your friend who’s confused by your confession. Then you can talk it out like two mature people. Try to understand your friend. You wouldn’t want to hurt your friend by trying to prove you are right. Let this discussion not affect the friendship and whatever you do, stay away from emotional blackmail or corny lines! They only make you look like a person who believes in the grab-and-snatch method. Maintain dignity at all costs and who knows, your maturity in handling this might as well get you your love! Write to me with your ideas and suggestions for our friends.


7 thoughts on “How To Decide between Friendship And Love?

  1. B. You are one smart cookie. It is important for friends who are close to talk things out. Certainly if the feelings for love are strong. I know I tend to let my friends know how much I love them, blurt it out. But perhaps I need to hold back a bit, especially if they aren’t seeing anyone. It may make them feel more lonely that I’m all kissy and huggy. Though I am there holding their hand or have my arm around them, as I am secure in my relationship with my husband and feel happy because of this. But if one of my friends is sad because he has no one, perhaps it’s best I just sit along side of him and talk. Be there for him. Talk about all kinds of things, engage in a converstion of our mutual interests and hopefully this would make him feel a little better. Though I won’t expect him to become happy instantly. If he does at all. That will take time. Not too long ago, I saw my friend and I wanted to hold his hand and walk with him. But I felt he did not want this. I may have over did it and I hope I didn’t mess things up. Like you said, it takes alot of effort to get that spontaneous friendship back again. That thrilling, glad feeling you get when your with someone that clicks with you. He was very understanding towards me, when I saw him last, but I felt a tinge of sadness and a holding back from him. He is a sweet person and I think the world of him. But he’s going through rough times right now and what I should do is simply be there for him, talk, discuss, and perhaps he’ll open up to me. Sort of hold his hand not by literally doing it but by listening to him and help him through this difficult time. L.

  2. I find it hard to answer your question, is it friendship or is it love? I am going through the same thing myself! I am in the middle of a NASTY DIVORCE and just got done with court because my ex (or soon to be ex, wanted to take my ONLY son away from me. He is my miracle baby! It took me over 7 years to get him, miscarfaiges, fertility pills, I have severe endometreosis) He wanted to take him away from me completely! Now, I have met someone new, that has fallen head over heels for me, but he lives 2hrs away, is 10 yrs older than me, and is pushing me to move away with him from anything, and everyone I have ever known! He has helped me SOOO MUCH! I know I love him and we are great friends, but I am not IN LOVE WITH HIM. (at least not yet) So, if you do find an answer to this question, please let me know! I have had 8 surgeries, been life flighted 3 times, been on life suppport, had two VERY SEVERE skull fractures, and been in a coma. I had to learn EVERYTHING OVER AGAIN! How to walk, talk, read, write, EVERYTHING! But my husband whom I have been with for 16 yrs cheated on me, and needless to say, I only have a few marbles rolling around in my head. LOL! I don’t know what to do!!! If you have ANY ADVICE for me, it would be GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!
    Thanks so much!

  3. hi my name is rahul and my frd name is geetika . she is my best friend in my college in both like each other and we both care for each other and i like her very much .she is very friendly with everyone and some times i feel very jealous when she speaks to others . But she just speaks to them casually not so close as she is with me .She is my batch mate and we both are from same college bus. Now my doubt is do i love her or she loves me . i got this doubt because she cries if i dnt speak to her and even i cant stay 1 day without speaking to her

  4. I think you are right about this one. All relationships, friend or more than just friend, should be based on honesty. Without it , there is really no relationship at all. It is the very foundation for everything else.

  5. well i think that people should drop hints, and upon these hints they see the way the other person is reacting to them. (i am not talking BIG hints) just tiny flirtations or something that indicates that a person is interested and just wait and see how the other person reacts to it, if he/she reacts in a good way then proceed if not then don’t.

  6. Well, let me just say this. You should only tell someone that you have feelings for them if you no longer want to be their friend. This is so true, because once you tell someone your feelings for them you can’t just go back to the way it was before. There is something new in the equation. And if you decide to take that road of becoming something more than friends you only have to options and that is to either eventually – get married or break up. So, you had better be sure that you are willing to risk that relationship if you decide to tell a friend how you feel.

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