Tying Old Bonds Anew

Send Love EcardsWith Seth and Megan giving themselves another shot at renewing their old connections, I found it strange that I was so tongue-tied and awkward when I met my own ex on the road a month back. I guess I couldn’t handle the situation with the maturity that Megan has or the calmness of a Seth. I read the comments that you guys sent, telling me that it was okay to be friends with your ex. But I feel like this time it’s different. It’s tying up those bonds that you untied yourself, willingly.

I was thinking about going back to someone and asking that person to start it all over again. It certainly requires a lot of courage and, if I am not wrong, a sort of ‘selective memory loss’. What I mean is, if you think of the reasons you broke off, and let it grow on you, you’ll never be able to renew yourself again. You have to push those sordid events and images into the ‘forgotten’ zone of your brain and make new impressions and perceptions. Only then can you float a fresh relationship with your ex. What say you?


7 thoughts on “Tying Old Bonds Anew

  1. I think you’re right, Bob. I think that the only way you can really become friends again is if you push all those things away. That can be really hard to do, especially if the person hurt you or if it didn’t end on a very pleasant note. I feel that sometimes it just isn’t possible to be friends again because we do let it go.

  2. So often we give away things and relationships for some reasons, that may have blinded ourselves at that stage. When we look back, all these do not seem to matter. What appears larger than the sky today vanishes tomorrow. The Earth revolves and we change with time, but something inside us never change.

  3. We often look at things from only a certain angle. When we turn around, our perspectives may be totally changed. Our expectations are high especially for those we value most, but at the end of the day, what are our values? Are we bounded by the values in this world? or perhaps by the values of our peers? What are these values? Are they true values? What are values?

  4. Bob,

    I like how you said that one should have a ‘selective memory loss’ when in these types of situations. I think it’s important to remember that you should acknowledge the person, but at the same time know where you stand and can handle the situation…..and sadly, a lot people can’t. People change, times change, and things change constantly……it’s just a reality that you’re now a completely different person, a quasi-stranger to each other.

    If I were in this situation, I would say Hi to the other person and become an acquaintance, but wouldn’t allow them past a certain personal space.

  5. i believe it is important to understand that when a relationship goes wrong, it went wrong because of the dynamics between the two people – not because of an individual. when both can accept blame for the mistakes they contributed, that is the first step toward being able to forgive; not only forgiving the partner, but more importantly themselves. sometimes it is the first or only time in their life that they must confront being a failure at something that should have been so easy. an unsuccessful relationship, if either party has any substance, makes you address what is wrong or missing from your psyche that caused the relationship to be a failure. Something they believed was going to be successful for they contributed everything that was within their soul to make it work, and yet, it failed…how could that be, I gave it my all…what does that say about me?! “nothing, I am not to blame!” And, so it begins, the nastiness, the ugliness, the fighting…behavior, statements, all the devastations of a war ensue. None of which we can erase. In the end we are left with two people that are very different from the original two that set out to make a life long committment.
    When we begin to hide thoughts, feelings, ideas from our partner, we are hiding ourselves from the other person. Why? What path are we on…clearly not the path of unity, acceptance, or feeling love. I believe it is the beginning of losing paradise.

  6. I think it is important for people to look into reasons for their breaking off. Are there problems that could not be solved? Are the problems real? Could anything be done about it? Is there any misunderstanding between them? Only the two people involved could solve the problem themselves.

  7. Hey…
    I used to read your newsletters regularly…till the love bug bit me…got a lil pretty occupied…And on Thanksgiving day I thanked the lord for sending the love of my life. But soon after day he tells me that hes planning to call it off because of marriage pressure from his family…everything was fine…no idea what went wrong… trying to make sense of all of this… right now conscience is not helping…Read your blogs and the comments well…Now am just giving him the time he needs…and hoping and praying something good comes of it …At times I feel I so want to move on…

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