Finding love after losing a loved one is never easy and to many, impossible. Once you lose the companion you have chosen for yourself, getting to love someone else becomes difficult and it’s like revisiting an old wound. Many people shy away from this because they feel they don’t have it in them anymore to give or take love. They decide to spend their days in memories. These, and many more aspects, came up when I was discussing this topic with Eleanor and Frank.

They have both loved and lost. They admit to having given up hope to find love again. They also admit that they had reconciled themselves to a life of seclusion. They also admit to having been extremely lucky to have found each other. “Ya know Bob,” Frank told me, “the greatest mistake that a person can make in these sort of situations is to compare their past love and the present. They must understand that the two of them are different people. Comparing not only insults your memories, but also plays havoc by raising your expectation to an impossible high.”

I know what he means. Living up to the good memories of the past becomes difficult for the person who’s in your life at the present. This brings about bitterness. And then things get really difficult. If you are in such a scenario, it’s best you approach your love life with a freshness that it deserves and cleanse yourself of what once was, but isn’t there anymore. Do you agree with me? Do you have an experience to share? Chime in.

“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure.” - Sirach

This quote fits great on Steve. Steve is proving to be a great support to Natalie. For those who joined in late, Natalie is a single mom with twin kids and a dog. So you can well understand how hard pressed she is for time. She has never expressed it to Steve but she does need the helping hand that Steve lends her. She’s working too and that takes a toll on her time. Steve may marvel at her time management skills, but he knows well how she has to struggle to be true to her time.

Steve loves the dog and the kids. All of us friends are amazed how Steve has stopped being a gadget freak and is taking interest in building up relationships. He’s no more the geek we used to know. Last day he told me that he had promised Natalie to pick up the groceries for her. I was taken aback. I wanted to ask if he remembered to get his own supplies, but then decided against it. It would not be right if I put him to discomfort just when he was bringing about the change that we wanted to see in him always. Would you not feel lucky to have a friend like Steve? Do you have a friend who’s always there for you? We’re celebrating International Friendship Month this February. Write in your friendship story. We may publish that on this blog with your name! Stay tuned for more updates.

I didn’t know what the heck were “First Date Blues” until Irina clued me in. I went out with Martina on a double date with Irina and her boyfriend. I don’t think it went very well. That’s when Irina said, “You’re just suffering from first date blues” I was like, “What?” She explained that when your first date didn’t go off too well, you suffered from “First Date Blues”! I tried to let that sink but I’m still not sure I understand. My double date was not really a deal breaker like the one I had with Megan, Leo and Cathy. If you missed that, read it here. But it was not ideal too!

It started off well with Alex, Irina’s boyfriend, filling us with stories of the Obama campaign. He spoke at length and with enthusiasm. Irina, for the first time probably, listened to someone speak without writing text messages or just fiddling with the phone! But Martina had other ideas. She said that we’re banking too much on something that is intangible and all speculation. She spoke how we must not build too big a bubble that would burst on our faces with the strain of expectations. Though I appreciate her independent views, it was a little discomforting to know that she didn’t share the general enthusiasm.

There’s a fine line between optimism and illusion. I think Martina was trying to point that out and this didn’t go down well with Alex. He was silent through the rest of the evening and Irina was trying to cover up for his silence. That was another point of concern! I talked about abstract matters with Martina and soon it was them and us in two separate talk zones. I don’t think Martina liked the date too. I’m also not sure if she would meet me again. But this was a totally unexpected scenario. Neither did I think about things going this way, nor did I plan my next move. I need your help on this. Please write to me.