Posts from — February 2009

The worst part about being in an emotionally abusive relationship is that you don’t realize you are in one. Emotional abuse in most cases are so subtle and passive that you may have been taking it over years and never thought of putting your foot down. It may come in small dozes, so you may have put off resistance thinking that things will be be better soon. But they don’t. And before you actually get to taking a step, you look inside yourself and see open, bleeding wounds that reek of humiliation.

So how do you know you are in an emotionally abusive relationship? Look for pointers. Are you being mocked, belittled or humiliated, publicly or privately? Are you being made to feel that you are a good-for-nothing? Is your self-respect and dignity being compromised? Many times your partner may be threatening to dump you or even threatening suicide. If you have mentally ticked all these points, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

So what do you do now? Reflect. Do you need this? Will you be better off without a relationship problem that keeps popping its head every alternate day? There are two ways you can handle it. One, talk it out with your partner. Two, if you have already tried that and failed, you might want to take some stern step. But whatever you do, don’t turn a blind eye, expecting things to be fine all by itself. A cure is never in the denial of the disease.

What other aspects suggest that a relationship is emotionally abusive? Share with us.

The star defense of Philadelphia Eagles has decided to move to Denver Broncos. The move will be great for the Broncos, whose defense as of now is made up of comparatively new faces. Dawkins will add a much-needed boost to the line-up in terms of experience. Though some may say that Dawkins is past his prime now, he still manages to stay way ahead of the younger players that the Broncos have been playing with over the last few seasons.

Such life they have, don’t they? I mean, clubs throwing insane amounts of money to have you in their team. The money in sports and the commerce of sports have always baffled me. Players train hard and improve their skills every day, bit by bit, and prepare themselves for the grind. They have to keep themselves injury-free, compromise on so many things to remain fit and trim. The dedication is extremely inspiring. I can’t see myself having that amount of continued dedication for years!

How dedicated are you to a cause?

Chinese martial arts movies have always been of interest to me. Not that I like them a lot, but they somehow have this happy feel about them and carries you along in a grand sweep. I loved watching the Bruce Lee movies as a child, even tried some of those gravity-defying stunts, without much success of course! I relived those days when Adrian got a DVD of Bulletproof Monk. I was stressed and wanted to let my hair down. So I sat down with a cup of coffee. Coffee and an entertaining movie can do wonders to the mind.

The movie was great fun. The Chinese alphabets. The riddles. The secret link through these puzzles. The martial arts expert. Nasty villains who outnumber the hero in a hopeless way. Chinese monks. It all came back to me. There are some visions that last a lifetime, don’t they? The vision of your first day in school, your first movie, your first date, they all make up a wonderful past. When you revisit these memory lanes, they all come back to you and you are left with a feeling that cannot be described. Bulletproof Monk was a great experience, more as a nostalgia trip than a movie.

What are your everlasting memories? Would you share with us?

Today is Polar Bear Day. Rachael is doing a project on that. If you have not read about it, you can do it here. She’s really concerned about the habitat of polar bears. She told me that we can all make a contribution towards making the polar bear live in better conditions. “We can be their friend if we want to” is how she put it. I wanted to know how. She explained how global warming were making things tough for them. She wants the polar bear to be included in the Endangered Species Act (ESA) so that these polar bears get official protections.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife service is poised to recommend polar bears for the ESA. Many climate maps show that there is no sharp decline in the number of polar bears, but there is a certain danger lurking in the shadows. If all goes well, the polar bear could be the first mammal to make it to the endangered list. The federal government can then protect the polar bears in Alaska and every other area where the U.S. is authorized to issue licenses. The number of polar bears spread across five continents is still over 25,000 but there are reports of the numbers dwindling in the recent times.

Some basic steps like turning of the gas when not needed, using energy efficient equipment, living the green way or using renewable sources of energy can be beneficial in the long run. Are we ready to take these baby-steps to ensure that our friends at the ice caps lead a better life? Will you help your friendly polar bear?

The American Idol results for Group 2 didn’t see any upsets, if I’m to go by the two-member jury at my place. Irina and Adrian saw their favorites Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert go through easily. They rooted and cheered for them over the days. I can bet my right arm they would have had a fight if any one of them got through. But going by what people are talking about in the office, it was a foregone conclusion that Allison and Adam would scrap through easily. Opinion was divided on the third slot. Some of them didn’t like Kris Allen to make it.

I am not sure we should deride anyone once they have made it to the next round. It’s a case of personal choice. If an American Idol contestant has made it to next round, we must encourage and support. Bad press, negative criticism does not help the selected contestant, and neither the neglected one. It only hampers the positive vibe around. Healthy competition is what we all want to see, and we want it to remain that way, don’t we?

Did the American Idol results surprise you? Write in.

“True friends stab you in the front”- Oscar Wilde

It’s never easy to deal with betrayal, more so if the person concerned is a close friend. You may wonder why I chose this topic and this quote, especially when the International Friendship Month is coming to a close. I don’t know the reason myself, but there was something about this friendship quote that acted as the hook. I felt that betrayal is also a part of this whole cycle and I think some of you experienced it as well. I felt I should write about this and try and help those unfortunate ones who had to experience this unfortunate emotion.

What do you do when you come to know that you have been betrayed by a close friend? The natural reaction is, of course, one of hurt, anger and revenge. You want to give back what you got. You feel a severe breach of trust. And you feel angry on yourself for having trusted on a friend like this. But these feelings only make it hard for you. And you end up depressed and lose focus. The trick is to let go and move on. I know it’s easier said than done, but that’s the only way you can move out of this pit that you have got yourself into.

On the other hand, if you want to break off from a friendship, do it with dignity. Tell your friend clearly why you have to part ways and why you think your friendship has to end. It’s better to talk to the person concerned than send indirect messages through common friends or try to avoid and ignore contact. The way you handle it will make it easier for you as well as your friend. Sniping the bond with mutual respect is something that is most important, for the good ol’ times’ sake, if not anything else. Friendship is all about respect and you should not compromise on that on any point of time.

Have you had a bitter experience when a friend betrayed you? Does it still hurt? Vent it out.

International Women’s Day is about reaching out to women who care for you and who you care for. I have chosen these Top Ten International Women’s Day ecards that has the right blend of panache and subtlety, which is just right for the modern woman. After all, she’s all about strength, resilience and compassion. Check these out and get back to me on what you think of these.

Send this Ecard!	Send this Ecard!
Send this Ecard!	Send this Ecard!
Send this Ecard!	Send this Ecard!
Send this Ecard!	Send this Ecard!
Send this Ecard!	Send this Ecard!

American Idol contestants couldn’t live up to Simon Cowell’s expectations. After admitting that he was not satisfied with the lights or the sound, Cowell voiced his disappointment at the way the contestants performed in the Group 2 round of the American Idol Season 8. I missed the show again but this time around I got to know about the show and the songs performed by the Adam Lamberts and the Jesse Langseths. Adrian was all for the rendition of ‘Alone’ by Allison Iraheta.

There’s a catch here. Irina thinks she was not so good as Adrian is making it to be. She said she’d go with Adam Lambert any day. I have heard him, of course. But it’s difficult to say who’s better when all of them are so good on their day. I always seem to have a problem when it comes to choosing a winner. It’s like choosing the first amount equals. I think it would be hard on anyone who gets out after being so close to the summit. Irina is also speculating how old Simon Cowell is! Wonder why!

That reminds me, I am looking for inspirational stories about women who encouraged you to dare and dream. Write to me with these stories and I may publish them on my blog or the newsletter on International Women’s Day. Stay inspired.

The Tuesday night show of the American Idol did not go down well with Simon Cowell. He admitted to the show being “a bit flat”. I missed it this time around and can’t really say how the show was. But if Cowell has gone on record to say that he was not happy with the lighting or the sound, it must have been so. If you are thinking that I can ask Adrian and Irina, who are more American Idol fans than my friends, then you would be disappointed.

The reason is, they are such crazy fans of the Idols and the show, they don’t really care even if the show was held in the dark and without a microphone! They didn’t miss the show either, though I couldn’t keep my date with the American Idol contestants. Simon Cowell also commented how the four-judge panel makes it really long for the ball to be passed to him! He’s expecting some real excitement and drama in the advanced stages of Season 8 because of the wild-card option that the judges can use now. The game should get meaner and more cutting edge. What say?

After listening to Rachael talk affectionately about her pup Max, Ethan and Emily decided to pay her a visit. They wanted to play with the pup and spend a good afternoon. Donna dropped them off at Liz’s place. I knew there’ll be good food, so I told Donna that I would accompany her when she went back to pick them up. Donna smiled as she knew that I was game for the food that was sure to be there. Friends seem to know everything about you and your instincts and motives, don’t they?!

When I walked in at the door of Liz, there was a wave of happiness that struck me. Max was being cuddled by Emily and Rachael, while Ethan looked on fondly. They were having so much fun that Liz had no extra work on her hands despite having kids in the house. Max was one happy bundle of energy, jumping and yelping with joy. I sat down and looked at the three of them and the pup. I wished Kong was around to play with them as well. He is really missing some real cuddly times!

Oh yes, before I put an end to this, the food was excellent, as expected. It was an afternoon well spent, specially after all that papers I had to go through at office. It’s your responses and appreciation that keeps me going. Pour them in!