New York is radiating in the warm glow of the sun. I was walking down with Adrian to the Promenade just as the lights were going on the Triborough Bridge. Cool and soothing breeze was a relief after a hot day. We folded our slices of pizza and ate as we ambled across the path, lost in our own thoughts taking in the cool air.
Adrian broke the silence and spoke about his girlfriend May at length. He was saddened by the lost passion in their relationship. He spoke at length about what’s not working between them despite his efforts.
I asked him, “What efforts are you talking about?” He quickly responded, “I call her up on weekends and say the three words even when I don’t get a response and when she is in town we go for dinner dates. What else could she need from me? We had a tiff recently and she said she hears the words but doesn’t feel my love. I don’t really understand.”
I felt Adrian was missing something significant. There are many unstated realities and emotions in the relationship that hide in the heart of a woman. She will not draw a precise map of it but her expressions will lead you to it that is if you have your eyes on her and not on her knee jerk reactions.
“How often do you listen to what’s happening in her life?” He looked at me a little puzzled. “It’s been a long time since I’m dating her; I know what her daily grind is like.”
I reminded him the power of active listening. Relationships are based upon this very tenet. Never take a relationship for granted. “Each day I hear, ‘how you are’ more than ‘I love you’ from Aaliyah and trust me it matters. She is constantly making life easy for me and I am in return trying the same. I don’t care if we are able to make it to the high-flying weekend getaway but we make sure we are relaxing beside each other, be it stretched together in one hammock swung from two solemn pines in my backyard garden.
We have our share of falling-outs but we make sure not to stretch it too far. We kiss and make up. Kissing is like traveling back to high school days; it brings back the passion in a couple who are stuck in complacency. I give a lot of importance to eye contact and holding hands when together. It helps in assuring her of my love and letting her pour her heart out without having to think twice.”
Adrian smiled and related to this completely. We all learn in relationships. He made a call to May just to check on her, she was surprised to hear from him in the middle of the week.
Whenever you claim your love for someone be it your partner, siblings, parents, children, pets or even the nation, back it up with acts of love and kindness just because actions speak louder than words.
Love is indeed a doing word. It’s not just a mere feeling or state of being. It calls for action.
Love & Joy,