Donna woke up in the morning with heaviness in her heart and a sullen sadness hung over her like she wasn’t done with her yesterday yet. Even though it’s been years since her separation she still carries the sourness of her marital failure.
I met her over breakfast as I could see the melancholy that had struck her again over a brief facetime session I had with her in the morning.
Donna is a wise woman and never lets her emotions overpower her judgment at any point of time. When I asked her what triggered her into this glum. She said she came across her ex-husband and his wife while having dinner in a restaurant with her colleagues. They were celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary.
She was not really jealous but each time when his wife smiled gleefully she felt her failure strongly. She kept contemplating about what was amiss in her marriage. Hadn’t they promised a forever and ever too?
I let her vent out as I knew she was releasing the hidden pain which is necessary to resurrect from the vulnerabilities.
I asked her, “What do you think went wrong in your relationship?”
She coined it in just one word which is the essence of all the suffering in relationships. She looked in my eyes and mustered her courage to voice out the word, “expectations!” It seemed she was admitting something internally to herself.
She continued, “Bob, in marriages the spoiler is always clinging on the other and expecting him/ her to carry your weight around for a lifetime.” The classic romance in the novels is good to read but life is different. The hero in marriage is not the bride or the groom but the dignity with which they accept each other’s choices. True love is unconditional but not trust and respect. It needs to be cultivated.”
I asked her, “and now how do you think you can make peace with this realization?” She said, “I am releasing the pain and letting him go… I am embracing the lesson he came to give me, my expectations had blinded me to see the good in our marriage… Marriage starts with a promise – ‘I do’ but relationship starts with gratitude. Complaints can ruin what you have. Let your spouse have a different map of the world, it’s okay if he wants to spend his time watching Olympics when you want to go for a candle-light dinner… being happy is a bigger bet, isn’t it?” I nodded.
She looked at me as I was listening to her intently. She got up and walked up to me and stated happily, “thanks Bob I am glad to have a friend like you, thanks for listening and letting the sublime insight come forth on its own, I could use your arms around me today.” I stood up to give her a hug.
Marriage is not a communion of two halves but two complete personalities who entwine to make a beautiful and wholesome life and family. With this beautiful understanding I left for work.
Share how #marriage helped you grow in life. You could tweet me @BobEditor123
Love & Joy,